


Still Here

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie), SignCherie



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Fight, Hurt/Comfort, Makeup Sex, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:34:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/SignCherie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An encounter with a dragon leaves Vhenan Lavellan near death, and Cullen is overwrought. When she recovers, they have their first fight, and Cullen fears he has driven Vhenan away for good.</p><p>For a prompt on the kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She was covered in blood.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my wonderful beta, Aphreal.

Cullen had read the same report three times, and he still didn’t know what it said. With a sigh, he put it down on the desk and rested his head in his hands. Vhenan’s last message had indicated she would be arriving back at Skyhold this morning. It was near evening now; the sun would be setting soon. And she wasn't here.

It was a pointless worry. There were any number of trivial complications which could have delayed her return. Vhenan was an intelligent woman and a powerful mage; she could handle herself. Even so -- sending the woman you loved out into battle day after day was not an easy thing to live with, even for a seasoned soldier.

He picked up the report to start again.

 _Bang!_ The sound of the door flying open had Cullen on his feet in an instant. 

“What is it?”

“The Inquisitor, ser." The scout before him was breathing raggedly. "There was a dragon --”

Cullen went cold all over. “Where is she?”

“The infirmary--”

He didn't wait for more. Cullen was out the door, racing through the courtyard.

The first thing he saw was Dorian. Vhenan’s body lay unmoving beneath the mage's glowing hands, her head lolling back. She was covered in blood.

Maker preserve him.

He came to a stop. “What happened to her?” he demanded.

“Not the best time to talk, Commander,” Dorian said through gritted teeth. 

Cullen’s fist clenched. He stepped back so as not to get in the way, unable to tear his eyes from her blood-covered body. As much as he worried, he hadn’t really thought anything would happen to Vhenan. She always seemed so invincible. 

Foolish of him. Anyone could die.

No, this couldn’t be it. She was Andraste’s Herald. The Maker had a purpose for her. _You won’t take her, will you? Who will do your work if she’s not here?_

Dorian frowned. His hands glowed brighter. 

_Forget about purpose, then. I need her. Please, Maker. I've been through too much. Don't take her from me as well._

The glow of Dorian’s magic faded. Cullen stared at Vhenan, waiting for her to open her eyes, move, something.

She didn’t.

“What--” His voice cracked. This couldn't be happening. “Is she-- she’s not--”

Vhenan’s body spasmed. She coughed violently, then gasped. Dorian put a hand on her back, supporting her as she drew in deep breaths.

Sweet Andraste. Cullen sagged with relief.

“There you are,” Dorian said. “It’s over. I’ve got you.”

Vhenan nodded, and Dorian helped her to sit. Vhenan’s eyes landed on Cullen, and a smile lit up her face.

Cullen staggered forward, falling to his knees at her feet. With everything happening so quickly, he wasn’t quite sure she was real. He reached up and brushed his thumb along her long, pointed ear. The touch reassured him, and he slid his hand down to cup her face. “Thank the Maker you’re all right," he whispered.

Vhenan leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. Cullen closed his eyes.

“Since you’re thanking the Maker, you might thank me as well,” Dorian said wryly.

Cullen ignored him. He was not in the mood for teasing. He pulled back, eyes running over Vhenan’s body, searching for any sign of lingering injury. There was too much blood to be sure of anything. Cullen grimaced at the sight and tried to calm his worry.

Vhenan raised an eyebrow. “Do I look that bad?”

“Do you look--” Cullen stopped and took a breath. “Yes. Yes, Vhenan, you look that bad.”

She smiled. “You should see the other guy.”

She was making jokes. He’d almost lost her. His world had nearly gone dark, and she was laughing about it.

 _”Don’t.”_ Cullen didn’t realize how sharply he’d spoken until he saw Vhenan’s startled face. “Don’t,” he said again, more quietly. “It’s not funny. Vhenan, this is serious.”

There was a long pause. “I didn’t realize my jokes offended you.”

“You nearly died. It’s not a trivial matter.”

Silence again.

Dorian cleared his throat. “I’ll take this as my cue to leave. Inquisitor, you know where to find me.”

Neither of them acknowledged him. Their eyes were locked on each other as his footsteps retreated.

“Cullen,” Vhenan said. “I’m all right.”

“So that makes it fine?”

“What, joking?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Cullen ran a hand over his face. Now that he knew she was safe, all his fear and worry seemed to bubble over. “What happened, Vhenan? You engaged a dragon?”

“If you already know, why are you asking?”

“Because I want to understand. Maker’s breath, what were you thinking?”

She frowned. “I was thinking, ‘Gee, I bet the people at Skyhold would like it if they weren’t attacked by a dragon again.’”

“ _Stop it._ You’re still making a joke out of this. It’s not funny.”

“No, and neither is your attitude. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Cullen’s hands were shaking. He stood. He needed some space. He took a few steps away, then turned on his heel and came back.

“You should have sent for reinforcements.”

“Gosh, I’m sorry, Cullen.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Next time I’m fighting a dragon, I’ll be sure to ask if it would mind very much halting the battle so I can come back with more soldiers.” 

A shudder ran through him. “You’re saying you couldn’t have gotten away before it saw you?”

“I’m saying that when I’m out in the field, I have to make decisions. Sometimes they’re dangerous.”

“Well, don’t.” Cullen knew he was being unreasonable, that his words made no tactical sense, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “You’re out there because of the rifts. If anyone else could close them, there would be no need for you to leave Skyhold.”

Vhenan looked at him in disbelief. “So, what, then? You want to lock me up in here?”

“Maker’s breath, Vhenan, don’t turn this around on me! You nearly died! Why couldn’t Dorian heal you before you came back?”

“Because he wasn’t there!”

“He wasn’t-- you didn’t bring a mage with you?”

“I am a mage, Cullen.” She spoke slowly, as if he wasn’t quick enough to understand. “I hardly need a second mage in the group.”

“It seems you do, if the blood covering your armor is any indication.”

Vhenan wrapped her arms around her torso.

“So Dorian is the first person you run to when you come back injured.” This was ridiculous. Of course she got a mage to heal her when she was hurt. Of course Cullen wasn’t the first person called. It shouldn’t sting that Dorian saw her before he did, but for some illogical reason, he found that it did.

“I was hardly in the position to ‘run to’ anyone. I was unconscious. Do you have a problem with Dorian?”

She was unconscious. She must have been carried back, bleeding everywhere. He couldn’t even think about it. 

He answered her question instead. “People talk about you and Dorian. You know that, don’t you?”

Her eyes narrowed. “They talk about a lot of things.”

“Some of them are true.”

Vhenan’s face had gone white. “You think I have something going on with Dorian?”

“No.” No, he knew she didn’t. Even if it made his blood boil to hear the rumors, even if he couldn’t quite suppress his jealousy, he knew that she didn’t. “But they think you do. And what then do you think they make of me?” 

“You’re the man I love. I can’t control anything beyond that.”

“Maybe. You could--” He stopped short, knowing there was nothing he could ask of her.

“I could what? Stop being friends with Dorian? Shut myself up in Skyhold and talk to no one but you?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand you. I thought you’d be happy that I’m all right. Do you know the last thing I thought before I lost consciousness out there? I thought, _I hope I see Cullen again. At least one more time._ ”

Cullen’s hands began to shake again, for an entirely different reason. “Vhenan--”

She pushed herself up from her cot forcefully. “No, don’t. I can’t talk to you right now. Go back to your office and your reports and your scouts.” Her eyes were accusing. “It’s all you have time for anyway, right?”

Before he could say another word, she was gone.


	2. I couldn't think-- I couldn't stand--

Cullen scoured Skyhold looking for Vhenan. He checked every nook, every crevice. She was nowhere. Finally, when the stars were out and the courtyard empty, he gave up. She didn’t want to be found, and he wouldn’t push her.

He hated himself. He knew he’d been wrong. The instant she walked away from him, he wanted to take back every word he’d said. She’d nearly died, and she woke to Cullen hurling accusations. Maker, what if she left him? It would be no less than he deserved, but Andraste help him, it just might destroy him.

He couldn’t find her, but she might come to him. Cullen stayed up working too late, hoping she would. She didn’t, and finally he climbed up to his room, exhausted and hollow, feeling like the world was ending.

The sight that greeted him stopped him in his tracks. Vhenan was sitting crosslegged on his bed, looking down at her hands.

Cullen’s heart started thumping. “Vhenan?”

She looked up at him. Her eyes were red.

“I’m sorry,” she said

“No.” Cullen shook his head. “No.”

“You were right,” Vhenan said. “I was reckless. I should have sent for troops.”

He stumbled forward and climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of her. “You did what you had to. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

She reached out and grasped his hands. Cullen raised one to his lips, pressing them to her knuckles. She was here. Thank the Maker.

“I’ll try to stop the rumors about Dorian,” she said.

“It will only make them worse.”

“Josephine could do it. She’ll know how.”

“She’ll replace them with rumors about us. I’m sorry, Vhenan, I’m so sorry. I was wrong.”

“No, you had reason to be upset. I made a bad call. It nearly got me killed. It could have killed anyone who was with me.”

“You made a tactical decision.”

She gripped his hands tighter. “The rumors are unfair. I wouldn’t want people talking about you that way.”

“People gossip. It’s not your fault.” Cullen tugged on her hands, and she leaned into him, pressing her forehead against his in the way he found so reassuring. “Vhenan, I would never lock you up.” 

“I know that.”

“The idea sickens me.”

“I know.”

“I thought you were dead,” he said. “I went a little crazy. I couldn’t think-- I couldn’t stand--” He stopped, too choked up to go on.

Vhenan put her hand on his chest, over his heart. “I love you, Cullen.”

“And I love you.”

Her lips touched his, and everything else melted away.


	3. Take what you need.

The kiss was desperate and hot and clumsy. Cullen couldn’t get enough of her, and she matched his passion. He kissed her neck, her jaw, her long ears, and was rewarded when Vhenan trembled in his arms.

“Cullen.” Her fingers fumbled with his breastplate. He did his best to remove it, but he couldn’t stop kissing her.

Vhenan made a distressed sound and pulled away from him, tugging urgently on his clothing. He focused his efforts on helping her, and together they had them off faster than he would have thought possible.

Vhenan was on him immediately. She climbed into his lap, kissing his neck, his shoulders, his collarbone. Her hands ran over his chest and down his stomach. They settled on his hips, pulling them closer, tighter against her.

“Maker’s breath…”

He was so hard. His hands slid under her shirt. The feel of her soft skin over the taut muscles of her stomach made Cullen draw in a breath. He tugged the hem of her tunic upwards, and Vhenan stopped just long enough for him to pull it up over her head and toss it aside.

He never could get used to the sight of her. She’d confessed to him once that she was self-conscious about her body, that she felt unattractive compared to the curvy human women she was constantly surrounded by. To Cullen, she was perfect. Her slight build, her teardrop-shaped breasts, her long ears, her elegant vallaslin -- everything about her was ravishing. To him, nothing could be more beautiful than Vhenan.

He needed her. Cullen pulled Vhenan’s head closer so he could press his lips to her ear. She whimpered, turning her head to give him better access as he ran his tongue along the side. His hand cupped her breast, his thumb lightly brushing her nipple, and a desperate sound escaped her.

“Oh, Cullen, please…”

He needed her naked, and the sooner the better. He couldn’t get her leggings off like this, so he pushed her gently backwards. She went willingly, holding tight to him, pulling him down with her. His fingers hooked inside her waistband, and she lifted her hips so he could tug both leggings and smalls down and off her body. She kicked awkwardly to get them off without letting him leave her embrace, which made them both chuckle. But soon she was naked, and he could see every part of her.

Much, much better.

Her hands were all over him again. They ran over his shoulders, down his back. One hand cupped his backside, drawing him even closer so that his cock slid against her slick heat. He nearly cried out at the pleasure. He trailed his mouth over her neck. He could never get enough.

Vhenan pushed at his shoulder, and he rolled over, following her cue. She clambered above him, taking him in hand to press against her entrance.

“Is this okay?” she said. She always asked him.

“Yes, Vhenan. Please.”

A slight smile flickered over her lips, and she slid down onto his length, so hot and wet that Cullen did cry out. “Vhenan, oh, Vhenan…”

She rode him from above, hard, fast. His hands lingered on her waist, savoring how she felt. He drank in the sight of her, breasts bouncing, eyes shut tight with passion, mouth slightly open. Her hands rested on his shoulders, and she lowered herself so that the tips of her breasts brushed against his skin with every thrust.

She was here. She was with him. He hadn’t lost her to a dragon or to a ridiculous fight he’d had no reason to start. She was here in his arms, and he was inside her. She was his, and he was hers.

He needed her close. He needed to feel as much of her as he could. His arms slid around her, urging her all the way down. One hand reached up to play with the short strands of her hair. He pressed his cheek against hers.

Vhenan stilled, sensing the change in him. She lifted her head and touched his chin, guiding him to meet her eyes.

“What is it?” she whispered.

“I just…”

A heaving breath escaped him, and he tightened his hold on her again.

Vhenan understood. She was so good about that. Her thumb ran along his cheekbone, reassuring him with her touch. “I’m here,” she said fervently. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t need to worry, Cullen. I’m not leaving you.”

He shuddered, letting her words permeate his being. She knew exactly what to say, how to break through his anxious barriers. Not for the first time, Cullen wondered how he’d ever found her, the one woman in the world who would not only put up with his ridiculous fears and trauma, but love him all the more for it.

“Do you want to stop?” she murmured.

“No,” he said. “I need you. Please, Vhenan.”

She smiled gently and lifted herself off him. For one desperate moment, he thought she was leaving, but she only rolled over, taking him by the waist to urge him on top of her.

“I’m here,” she said. “I’m here for you. Take what you need, Cullen. Whatever you need, it’s yours.”

Cullen groaned in relief, pressing his face against her neck. She was so good to him. He reached between their legs to guide himself into her, and her hips thrust up to take him deep. Maker, she felt so good. He began to move, sliding in and out of her warm sheath, letting himself touch her everywhere. Her stomach, her breasts, her hips. He turned his head to kiss her ears. Every touch made her more real to him. What with the abominations and the lyrium in his past, he didn’t always trust that what he believed was true. And Vhenan, well, she was the most unbelievable thing of all.

Her hands rubbed his back, up and down. She met his every thrust. Her breath came faster.

“I want you to come,” he said. “I want to make you come for me.”

Her hips began moving faster. She tilted them slightly, changing the angle, and immediately moaned. “Cullen…”

The hands that had been rubbing his back now clutched at it tightly, her fingers digging into him. He ground himself against her in the way he knew hit the right spots. Maker, it felt amazing. He was close. He wanted her to come first. He wanted to see and feel her orgasm. He needed that to be real, too.

“Fuck, Cullen…”

Her head tilted back. Her eyes were shut, her body trembling. No, not yet. She was close, but it hadn’t hit yet. Maker, he needed it. He needed her to come.

She lifted her hips, and he thrust again, trying to get it just right.

“Ahhhhhhh!”

Her back arched, and her body spasmed. He could feel the waves of pleasure coursing through her in the clenching and unclenching of her body around him. Dear Maker, he couldn’t last. He was going to come with her.

“Vhenan--”

And then he came apart, his entire being bursting in every direction. He was bodyless, boneless. He was nothing but the intense pleasure radiating through him. And Vhenan, Vhenan, she was in the center of it.

He came back to himself to find her pressing soft kisses against his neck. She was still here. Still real.

He rolled to the side so as not to crush her. She held onto him, her kisses moving to his chest, not sexual, but comforting. Cullen closed his eyes and let himself bask in the glow of being near her.

Slowly, her kissing trailed off. “I love you, Cullen,” she murmured.

She knew exactly what he needed. He nuzzled her hair, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her. “I can hardly believe that sometimes.”

“Don’t you think you deserve to be loved?”

It was not a question he could answer easily. He hid his face against the top of her head. “I wasn’t a good person for a long time.”

“You were hurt. Cullen, look at me.”

He lifted his head to see her warm, compassionate eyes.

“You have a good heart. You work so hard to protect so many people. And even during the times you are ashamed of, you wanted to help others. Cullen, you are a good person, and you deserve to love and be loved.”

His heart was in his throat. He couldn’t find words to respond.

Vhenan looked away. “I only hope that I’m the person to do it.”

“You are.”

Her eyes turned back to his face uncertainly.

The thought that she could doubt it was intolerable. He traced the lines of her vallaslin. “There couldn’t be anyone else for me. If I ever lost you…”

She kissed him softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You could.”

“So could you. But you’re not, are you?”

He hesitated. “No, but--”

“Then no worrying. I’m here, Cullen. For as long as you want me, I’m here.”

He wanted to argue that he would want her forever, but she was kissing him again, and he couldn’t bring himself to break away. There would be time to say it later. She’d told him she would still be here.

And in this moment, he believed her.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Larger Rift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859894) by [fourthage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourthage/pseuds/fourthage)




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